She left me

When I was having my breakfast with my family, my aunt received a call from my uncle saying that my grandma might leave us anytime. I have the same feeling as Friday night when I received a call from my mom saying that my grandma is in critical. We rush to the hospital immediately. On the way to the hospital, it started to rain. I was crying all the way. My dad did not speed up. He drive at his normal speed. My mom says my grandma will wait if she wants. We don't have to rush. But I am still worried that she will leave me before I reach.
I went up to her ward with my mom and aunts while my dad and my bro went to park the car. She is not conscious anymore. She is not opening her eyes. She is not answering me. T_T My aunt who take care of her last night said my grandma is not moving since 5am. My grandma move a lot even if she is sleeping. It must be something wrong if she is not moving. But my aunt did not inform us that time. I was so angry at her. Doctor said there is nothing much they can do now because she is already very weak. All we can do now is wait for to her pass away. I feel so useless that time. Later my dad and my bro came. She is still not awake. My mom called people in the old folks home to fetch my grandpa here. When my grandpa is coming up, my grandma's heartbeat starts to drop as shown in the machine. My grandma passed away immediately at 1548 when my grandpa is in front of her. Now I understand by what my mom means by "my grandma will wait if she wants". I won't believe it if I don't witnessed it myself.
Later we went to the shop that sells coffins. We chose clothes and coffins for my grandma. After discussing all the details for the my grandma's funeral, we went to have our dinner and went home. I was trying to sleep but I couldn't. I was crying and trying to hear is there any sound. I was expecting some sound that will let me know that my grandma's soul is in the house. But I don't hear a single thing. I MISS HER!

Second day in the hospital

After my brunch, I went to the hospital to see my grandma. She looks fine. My aunt said my grandma did not sleep the whole night. Maybe she is tired so she thinks it is late already. She asked what is the time. She says she wants to sleep and ask us to go home. She wants to get down of the bed. She the kind of active person. She is afraid she can't walk because she keeps lying on the bed. She even know where to throw the plastic bag that she use to split to. Doctor came and told us about my grandma. He said her lungs hardens. Her lungs can't function well anymore. Or I should say her lungs cannot contract much. Air keeps entering the lungs to provide oxygen for her body causing lungs to expand but not contracting to the normal size. There is no more bleeding in the lungs but there is still blood in the lungs. With a cut at the lungs, i am sure there will be other liquid which is not belongs to the lungs had enter the lungs. Everyone knows she will leave us soon. But I am not accepting the truth. Because I don't want to lose her. I take care of her for awhile. She has been taking care of me for 20 years, now it is time for me to take care of her.

The news...

Today, while I was on my bed about to take a nap, my phone rings. Is my mom. I picked it up and she told me my grandma had admitted to the hospital this morning because she vomit blood. I din't think much about it. I know she will be fine because she looks healthy all the while. So I took my nap. Later, after dinner, while I was cutting some fruits, my mom called. She said she have something to tell me but I have to be strong. The only thing in my mind is my grandma. Then she said grandma is in a very critical condition now and might pass away anytime tonight. I was so shock and nervous that time and I can't hold my tears anymore. After I inform my brother about it, I called Cheah and asked him can he fetch me to the hospital and he said yes immediately. How lucky am I to have a friend like him. =D I was crying and praying the whole journey. Cheah left after he had dropped me. I stop crying and rushed up to the wad. I saw my relatives sitting outside the ward. I walked in to the wad without talking to them. I am afraid that I don't get to see her for the last time. When she is in front of my eyes, my tears start to fall again. My mom asked me to tell grandma everything will be fine but I can't talk. I feel like crying. I tried to calm down, wiped my tears and go near her. She was sleeping. I called her and she responded. She recognized me. She is still very conscious but she didn't talk much. She asked me to go home only. I told her I will go back later and asked her to rest. So she continue to sleep. Awhile later, my brother reached. He came in with my aunties. He did the same thing I did. We stayed by her side around half an hour. Then we stay outside the ward so that we will not disturb the other patients. We had some conversations. I got to know more about what is going on with my grandma during the conversations. There is a cut in her lungs. Blood enters the lungs come out through the mouth. We do breath with mouth. The passage where the air goes through to enter the lungs is the passage for my grandma's blood come out from the lungs. But we still don't know why there is a cut. When the time shows 2.00am, my big aunt asked us to go home. She and my small aunt will stay there to take care of my grandma which is their mom. I din't cry on the way home. I was relieved that she is still alive.

Adrian 陈凯旋

YAY!!! He is back! He is updating again! =D I have something to share with you guys. It is taken from Adrian's Facebook.

Can u guys see the rainbow around the sun? It is so beautiful but nothing seems to be better than the return of my dear, Adrian. He went to Tokyo for a week. During that 1 week, I was so moody. Nothing is interesting to me. All I do is look at his old photos and statuses. But now, everything returns normal ^^. I can view his Facebook page every hour and like his post as usual. =)

Adrian 陈凯旋

He is currently not in KL. He has been away since last Monday. I don't know where he is. He might be enjoying himself or busy working. He seldom update his Facebook and Instagram. I really miss him very much. Or maybe I should say every baby A miss him. He said he don't have mooncake to eat on this mooncake festival. Adrian, do you want me to mail a mooncake to you? XD
Hope to see you soon <3

Adrian 陈凯旋

Adrian!!! Yesterday I went Leisure Mall to see him. The real him looks a lot more better than photos. He is really very handsome and friendly. Before this, I do not know why people say he is friendly because he don't comment in my post. Hahahaha... But now I know, he is really damn friendly. I regret that I did not say bye to him and I din't shake him with him. ARGHHHHH!!! Nevermind, at least I took a photo with him. I am the third person who let him sign but I leave only after he left. He might not remember me but I can't stop thinking of him. Go like his page! https://www.facebook.com/pageadrian Support him! <3

Can't hold my tears T_T

Today, loss model's coursework mark has been released. I failed. I only get 16 out of 40 for my coursework. I knew my coursework mark will not be high but I don't expect fail. I only got 4 out of 100 marks for test 1. I lost my mood when I got back the paper. I told myself I will work hard for test 2. I did. But I only score 51 out of 100. I thought I could get 70. I was very disappointed with myself. I did the tutorial twice but my hard work just doesn't pay off. Lecturer gave tips but I still can't score. Am I that weak? I really don't know. I sometimes do think of giving up. Maybe I really do not have the potential to be an actuary. However, I won't give up. I will do my very best for final. I still have 60 marks in hand. I still have the chance to pass. I will fight for it!!! I still can get an A-. Don't be too greedy~ haha =D

support support support!!! =D

Elecoldxhot is going to Las Vegas for World Hip Hop International competition. They are the only crew representing Malaysia =D. There are many crews from other countries joining this competition as well. It might seems difficult for them to win but there is still a chance for them of course. I totally have confident on them! Joe, Chriz, Dennis, Joey, Fuzz, Faruq, support u guys Elecoldxhot!!! All the best~

EMO T_T

My bad temper has returned. I was a bit rude to my dad just now because I was in a bad mood. I know I am not supposed to be rude no matter how worst is my mood but I just can't control myself. Here comes the story why am I so angry. My brother needs to online to search information for his assignments but we don't have wi-fi at home. We only have a broadband which I bring it to my hostel. So my brother suggested to get Unifi. However my mom said it is too expensive. So I she said I share the Unifi in my hostel and my brother will use my broadband. Everything will be fine if my brother is fine with the broadband. But he said broadband is very slow and he cannot use his watsapp. FUCK SHIT!!! Just because everyone is using watsapp then you want to follow? You can survive now without internet at home so what is the problem with slow internet speed? I have been using it for two years. Why must people be so picky? So now my mom found this package with one home modem and on-the-go modem. So she said I will be using the on-the-go and we will be sharing the home. She came out with this just after I told my housemates that I am sharing the Unifi. It makes me feel bad. I am afraid that my housemates will be unhappy with it. Why can't she just keep the decision that she had made?

Things to be done...

He found the one that he loves and loves him too. Luckily I am just admiring him only. =) I am going to continue to search for a target.
This week is the third week of the semester and I feel like I am falling behind. I must finish risk tutorial before I go to bed and get all the attended tutorials done by this Friday. Not to forget my risk's assignment. Must get part of it done by next Wednesday. Ohya... Totally forgotten about it, the bills! Have to pay water bill tomorrow and electricity bill this Saturday. I not yet submit my particulars to my risk's lecturer and nit yet study for online exercise for loss model. So many things to do yet so little time for it ><. Girl, I am sure you can do it. gogogo~

me =(

I find myself useless most of the time. I don't have the confident that others have. I don't think I can get things done myself. I always feel that people don't like to talk to me, don't like to hang out with me and don't need me in their life. I don't achieve good result, don't look good, not tall enough, not slim enough. All these really bring my level of confident to zero. Can anyone tell me what am I supposed to do to make me feel more confident???

ELECOLDXHOT ^^

I am sooooooo in love with elecoldxhot. They are just so good in dancing. I have watched their videos for many many times but I am still not getting bored with those videos. You guys must watch their Champions Tour's videos. There is 3 videos and I have it here for you guys so you don't have to search for it.

Set 1

Set 2

Set 3

I find set 3 most interesting. Love it so much^^. I don't have any interest in dancing and I don't know much about it also but I really enjoy watching them dance =). You know what, my favorite elecoldxhot's member is Chriz Ooi~ The one in the photo below. I love the way he moves his body! 

For Fun =)

This time I am not going to post something moody =). I have been watching videos of Elecoldxhot for the past few days. I don't know why am I so crazy about them recently. Although I am having my final now, I am still hunting for their videos and news. There is so much to study for final but there is so little time for it. Maybe I have spent too much time on Elecoldxhot ^^. Actually I am not in a good mood but I said I am not going to something moody this time, so I am going to end here. Hahaha... By the way, I need to prepare for final. Time to sleep!!! Have to wake up early in the morning to continue studying :D. Good night~

Moody moody moody T_T

Today, I get back my probability test 1 paper. I got less than half of one third of the full marks. Yi Tyng and Jia Yee tell me not to be sad. But I can't control the tears from falling down. My class ended at 2pm and I reached home at 2.30pm. I took a shower and I start to watch drama until 9pm. I really don't have the mood to do other things. I cry while watching the drama is not totally because of the touching scenes but also because of the marks. I did and understand all the tutorials and notes but still I don't get the result I want. I start to feel like giving up.
I am very angry with my assignment's group members. They have so many ideas on how to do the assignment but they never get it started. Then when I come up with my idea, some of them seem to be not agree with it. With my idea, we can have more points for the proposal and it will be easier to write. But they say they don't want to have more problems and add more things. You are just lazy! I don't want to argue but I also don't want bad marks for my assignment.

Whr should I go?

After two weeks tests, at last I got some time to blog.

I don't feel like going home because there are too many problems there. My grandfather don't want to stay with us. He always say we are not treating him well. We give him food, let him watch the television as he wish, did not scold him. What the hell makes him thinks that we are not treating him well. He brings a chair and sits in front of the television as if the television is his. We totally can't watch anything. Everyday talk alone, don't know what the hell is he scolding. I will sure hear some bad words from him every morning if I am at home. Last time, he said that my dad is not his son anymore because of money. He wants my dad to return him the money that he paid for the down payment of the house immediately. My parents have to borrow from my mom's sis's boyfriend who is actually not close to my parents. He as an outsider is willing to borrow RM30000 to my parents. But he as a father wants his own son to pay him back immediately. He even take away the rice cooker that he bought. My parents need the rice cooker for their business. My parents said they will return him immediately after they buy a new one but he insist to take it away. What kind of father is this. Well, after my dad came back from England, he shifts from my uncle's house to my house. He got three sons but the two other sons never want to stay him. He gave them money to buy house and car and support them in anyway but he didn't do anything for my dad. However the one that is actually taking care of him is my dad. And now he dares to say we are not treating him well. Does he deserves my respect? FUCK HIM LA!!!! 

Even until now, my dad is on his side. My dad even argue with my mom because of him. I sometimes do not understand my dad. I know he is a good son but I don't think his father deserves it. 

I can stay in my hostel if I don't want to go home but I am not happy there either. I feel so desperate there. I don't feel that I am part of them. Previously, I used to thought that relationship between house-mates is very good but I am wrong. Relationship with course-mates will be better. I can hardly find a topic to talk to them. We are dealing with different people and different things. Now yi hong is not here because he is sick. I become more desperate than ever.

stress~

I missed two weeks classes due to chicken pox. I thought that I can manage to cover those topics in my studies but it is really not easy. Those chapters are related. I can hardly understand the lectures nowadays because I don't understand the parts that I missed. I borrowed and copied those notes that I missed out. While copying, I try to understand it by myself but I failed. I totally agree with Ronald that sometimes doing our best isn't enough. However, most of the people say hard work is the key to success. I hope its real and I will work real hard for my degree!

Getting better~

Two days after I lost my iPhone, I have chicken pox. Chicken pox is not something that will recover in few days. It has been almost two weeks but the chicken pox still not fully recover yet although it does gets better. I have to wear long sleeves and long pants everyday to cover it. Its so hot!!! But at least I get to attend classes now. And one good news to tell, I am not crying because of my iPhone anymore! =)

Lesson learned T_T

I had lost my phone which is an iPhone. Phone of this brand has a lot applications including application to find the location of the phone. However, this does not help me to find back my iPhone because I did not have the application. Even iCloud does not help. I don't really know why but my brother say I did not on or activate something.

Some of you might be thinking 'how does it get lost?'. All I can say is my fault. I went to toilet and library and left it in my bag. I did thought of the phone when I was in the library but I did not went out to get it. I was thinking it will be fine in my bag. I did not check for the presence of the phone after I came out from the library but went to class. After the class, I was about to take bus. So I open the zip where I kept my iPhone to take my bus ticket and that is the time I found out that my phone is no more in there. I find everywhere in my bag and I did not see it. I started to get nervous. I started to think of the places where my phone might lost. Library came to my mind and I hurried to the library. I would say the phone lost outside of the library because my bag was with me all the time except when I was in the library. 

This phone is actually from my brother. Although its not a new phone but this phone is very important to me. It is very meaningful to me but I just lost it. I used this phone for one month plus only. I feel very sorry to my mother who always remind me that it is very dangerous to hold two phones but I insist to use two phones. I also feel very sorry to my brother who gave me the phone and purposely downloaded games for me. The games that I play is the games that he feels noob and boring but he still search for new games that he feels that I will like to play for me. Now everything is gone T_T. SORRY.

I do not know who is the one who stole it but I am sure this thief is not going to live good in the rest of his life. I am sure to forgive this thief if this thief is willing to return me my phone. I will try my best to find the phone no matter how difficult it is. I will pray hard that I will get my phone back. I hope everyone of you learn something from this post. REMEMBER TO HOLD YOUR VALUABLE THINGS IN YOUR HANDS WHEREVER YOU GO.